Ben’s Blog

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Two nights ago I watched the documentary King Corn. I was afraid that it might be too Michael Mooreish but was happily surprised and not angry. It’s not to say that I don’t enjoy Mr. Moore’s movies, but I don’t consider them documentaries as such. I walk in to his movies expecting a cross between CNN, which is pretty funny in and of itself, and an episode of Punk’d. That is if you replaced the idiot savant, trucker hat wearing, Kutcher with his bizzaro world twin, the thought provoking, overweight, acrimonious, trucker hat wearing, Moore. I can only stand Moore’s movies, when it’s about an issue that I can laugh about. I know I’m going to agree with what he’s got to say, and if all it’s going to do is piss me off even more, I just pass. He’s often such an ass to people, that I end up feeling a little sorry for the folks that he tears into, even if they deserve it.

Back to King Corn though. It was actually a great documentary. You knew the message that they were trying to get across, but they didn’t have to smash anyone, over the head to deliver it. They only stuck it to one person the entire film, and she didn’t even get it that bad. They were able to bring home the issue, namely that everything we eat in the US is made of corn, unsuitable for animals, which lacks the genetic diversity and nutrients that you’d expect to see only in shanty towns filled with toothless, barefoot families along the Appalachians. They got right in there and connected to everyone involved, from the farmers to the cattle ranchers. Everyone welcomed them, except towards the end, where it was clear that when they broached the subject of HFCS, you stopped seeing families steeped in the early farm culture of this country, and started to see how agri-politics went wrong by creating the need for someone to build an industry to turn us all into diabetic, Michael Moore looking, couch potatoes.

It rarely went over the top, and presented facts that were thought provoking. Now, I’m not going to become a vegetarian, but I have to say that I’m going to seriously consider how much red meat I eat that’s not grass fed. As a matter of fact, as I perused the aisles of Fairway that same night, I found myself surprised that the only grass fed beef they had was from Australia. I returned home and did a quick check of the old interweb to see if there were some more local products. The only ones I found were approximately 3 times the price as the meat which has crossed the globe in the pouch of a flying kangaroo. I’ll have to do more research, but in the meantime I’m yearning to do a grass vs. corn fed meat-a-licious taste off. The only problems are that to do it right, is going to require a bunch of carnivores and lots of red wine, which is not really a problem, and the fact that my “kitchen” does not really exist yet. I suppose the latter wouldn’t be a problem either if it was warn enough to bbq, since my back yard is much more, well, working, than my kitchen. In anycase, if I’m going to do this, I’ll need to find a kitchen, or get my ass in gear and just get a stove.

OK, I didn’t vote today. I’m not proud of it, but frankly in this case it really didn’t matter. Not because both candidates are not that interesting, which they are, but because as long as I consider myself a Democrat in NY, my peers in the “party” are going to make as good a call as I am. I believe in efficient markets, especially when the market only includes folks from all over the state, all with slightly different values, but who want the same outcome.
What I did realize today, is that my vote would have had more value if I was registered as a Republican. At least in that case, I could actually have some input in electing the worst candidate, the person most unlikely to win in an election. Some folks said that I’m being pessimistic, but its about making your vote count as much as possible. That’s the goal, and as far as I can tell, everyone in NY would be better off register as a Republican and vote in the primaries for the worst candidate. It goes both ways
too, so I’m not sure if I should tell the world of my plan.
At this point in US politics, with the elections being as close as they are, your better off focusing on making sure that the party you don’t want in power has the worst candidate. In NY, if you want a Democrat, your seem to be better off trying to have such a crappy Republican candidate that folks outside NY won’t vote for them. You know that the Democratic candidate is going to win NY in election. So your vote counts more when if effects how the election turns out outside the boundries in NY which you can do by voting in the Republican NY primaries.
Call me nuts. It won’t be the first time, but I do want to know if there I’d a flaw in my logic, although in that case I suppose your let me stew in my own juices.

I almost got a away with avoiding my first resolution of the year,
with in the first three weeks. That would have easily been a record
for me, but thanks to a little bird, or more exactly, a little
ornothoboic friend, I was caught before that the decaying corpse of my perennial personal promise disappeared in the shallow grave I dug for it in the backyard.

Last year I actually had my first true resolution, which was not only made nowhere near New Year’s, as it happened sometime during the summer, but was the beginning of a whole new approach to resolutions. This first resolution, the epiphany that began this whole new theory was, “Always have champagne at home, always.” (Note that repeating the word always is important, otherwise your not taking yourself seriously). One, you never know when you might have something to celebrate, and why not have a resolution that’s easy to keep, makes both you and everyone who comes over to your house happy, and is not devastating to your psyche when you fail. I mean who doesn’t think having champagne around is a good idea. Like having a buddy to join in on the misery while you try to quit smoking, get in shape or lose weight, having a resolution that everyone wants to get a piece of will provide enough positive peer pressure that you are much more likely to follow through. I’ve even found myself celebrating for no apparent reason, if only to show off the fact that I’ve been able to hold up my side of this deal, with
myself.

After such a success, I began thinking about what else I could do to start enjoying resolutions. It became clear that one of the reasons that this first sparkling promise worked, was it’s spontaneity. I didn’t worry about the fact that I wasn’t drinking enough champagne all year, then promise myself that I would, miss a day, and then never drink champagne again. It popped into my head, I picked up two bottles of Champagne the same day and put them in the fridge. So why not take it one step further and start coming up with as many simple, happy, no pressure “resolutions”, perhaps even one a day, not unlike those dopy, brick shaped calendars you get around the holidays that will leave you with that vocabulary you always thought you should have, and by “you”, I mean “I”. Now I could see this daily ritual getting a little out of hand, so I had to add the first rule to what was turning into a new personal game:

Rule 1 : The resolution “Today there are no resolutions”, is acceptable.

while we’re at it, let’s start adding rules so everyone can play.

Rule 2: You get extra points if the resolution is likely to attract converts. For instance, “Once a month I’m going to eat so many oysters, I’ll be able to buy Manhattan with all of the shells”

I’ll continue working on the rules to this Resolution game. As a
matter of fact, that will be Thursdays resolution. Spread the word…..

Here we are at the start of a journey to try to change my writing style from that of a socially awkward teen, to that of a semi-
articulate adult. They say, whoever they are, that the way to learn to write better is to write more. I’m not convinced, based on the same argument that if you let a million monkeys bang on keyboards that you’ll eventually see the Gettysburg Address, does not mean that most of what you’ll end up seeing on their tiny monkey screens won’t resemble the same crap said monkeys spend their time flinging during their smoke breaks.

In any case, I suppose I have to start somewhere, and this is as good a place as any. I truly hope that if anyone does end up reading this that a) they’ll end up with a smile on their face and b) they’ll actually send some feedback because I’m sure that I’ll probably get tired of doing this as soon as I realize that even monkeys don’t find it interesting.